An open letter to: DIY Network, Desperate Landscapes, Jason Cameron

I am a fan of home improvement TV, but DIY Network's "Desperate Landscapes," hosted by pretty boy, Jason Cameron, is pile of misleading crap that only masks an underlying problem.
Here is a description of the show from their website:

"A little peer pressure goes a long way when you've got a dull and Desperate
Landscape! Watch as Jason Cameron and his team of experts visit homeowners
nominated as having the worst front yards on their block, then help them to make
incredibly dramatic changes in just one day. "

First off, the host, Cameron, is NOT a landscape architect. He's also NOT a landscape designer. Finally, he's NOT even a landscape contractor. Yet he is billed as a "pro" when he meets and works with the homeowners throughout the show. Interestingly enough, the statement above leads you believe that he is accompanied by a "team of experts." However, in the show's video intro, it says, "Jason Cameron, landscape pro and all around handy guy takes..."

Is Cameron a professional or not? Some of you may think I am splitting hairs here, but in my opinion, this degrades the landscape trade. It makes it appear as if anyone who happens to be an all around "handy-man" is already qualified to install hardscapes and plantings. This is misleading to the would-be do-it-yourselfer.

Here is Cameron's bio from the DIY Network website:

"A native of Toledo, Ohio, Jason Cameron is experienced in carpentry and home
remodeling, as well as being an outdoorsman and sportsman. He is a familiar face
to home improvement fans, having been lead carpenter on the TLC series, While
You Were Out. Jason worked his way through college as a carpenter while
attending Northern Michigan University. He is also certified as a personal
trainer, specializing in strength and conditioning. In his spare time, Jason
enjoys working out at the gym, playing volleyball and basketball, and of course,
doing carpentry projects. He currently resides with his wife, Mary Ann, in New
Jersey."

Once again, nothing about landscaping in that bio. It looks to me like the main reason he's qualified is because of his big biceps.

Secondly, the work done on the show is second class. While I will give them props for using a decent variety of plants, and for displaying the the correct pricing, the work Cameron does is poop. In one episode, (see video here under "rustic paver walkway" ) they install cement pavers on top of an existing, unlevel sidewalk. To combat the heaved cement, Cameron decides to use a sledge hammer to remove some of the high areas, yet leaves the cement sidewalk intact in other spots. He then proceeds to scrape a layer of sand across the whole thing and set the pavers. For the record, this is a crime against all hardscapes, and it is dangerous! You NEVER NEVER NEVER install hard pavers on top of an existing cement slab. The reason the existing sidewalk is out of level is due to an improperly prepared base. By adding pavers on top, you will do nothing but make the problem worse. After the first hard freeze, those pavers will move and become unlevel themselves, causing a major safety concern.

The only proper way to lay cement paving stones is over a properly excavated footprint that has been layered with limestone crush to a depth of 4-6" and thoroughly tamped.
(I've lost some of you here I'm sure, so just know that Jason Cameron is an idiot)

Another reason the show is misleading goes back to it's basic premise: that being the "desperate" landscape itself. Folks, landscapes are desperate because their owners are not.

Think about this: Caesar Milan has a show called the "Dog Whisperer," and his claim to fame is that he "rehabilitates dogs, and trains owners."
Caesar says the problem is not the dog, but rather the owner. The dog lives by instinct and breeding, and it's up to the owner to be the "pack leader" and steer the dog in the right direction.
Same with landscapes friends! Trees and shrubs, and grass and weeds, are going to grow as the rain falls and the sun shines. It is up to the homeowner to train these elements and keep them under control. Just because a crew from DIY Network swoops in and installs an entirely new landscape doesn't guarantee a lazy homeowner will decide to take care of it.

To sum it up: a landscape that Jason Cameron saves from being desperate, will be desperate again in under 2 years.
Maybe we should start a DIY show on educating homeowners about taking care of their lawn and land, instead of replacing it? Or maybe they should all just come to this blog and learn for themselves. Finally, I would love to see what these landscapes look like a couple years after their makeover. I don't think Desperate Landscapes has been in production long enough, but if any of you readers know of someone who has been on the show, please drop me a note here.

If you liked this post about lazy and desperate landscapes, try this one:
"Low Maintenance Landscapes"

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Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Lawn

"My neighbor's lawn looks a whole lot better than mine, and he never does
anything to it."
-- covetous homeowner

I hear this a lot, so let me address it by taking it away from the context of lawns, and placing it within the framework of life.

Do these statements seem logical?...
(1) Your neighbor's wife looks hotter & happier than yours, and he never pays any attention to her.
(2) Your neighbor's kids are perfectly behaved, and he never gives them any direction, rules or discipline.
(3) Your neighbor makes more money than you and he never goes to work.
(4) Your neighbor's car is in better shape than yours and he never washes it or changes the oil.

There you go, Life and Lawns in a nutshell.
Anything worth having and caring for, takes work, whether the neighbors observe it or not.
Any questions?

(This post was from a couple days ago, but I am bringing it back to the top because I wanted it to get more attention. It was posted just prior to my screw up when this blog went down)

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Don't Crack Your Crowns!

Mother Goose taught us that, “Jack and Jill went up a hill, to fetch a pale of water; Jack fell down, and broke his crown…” From this childhood nursery rhyme we see that jack has apparently broken his skull. (more on this later) Did you know your grass also has a crown that can be cracked and broken?
When grass plants freeze during winter dormancy, their crowns are vulnerable to breaking if stepped on. The crown of the grass plant is the area that pushes up the actual blades. It’s akin to your skull (Jack’s crown) where your hair grows from. When the crowns are frozen, they become brittle and less flexible, and are easily crushed. A crushed crown will not grow back.
The Lawn Application:
During winter, it is imperative that no one walks on your turf. Inevitably, when Spring hits, I get calls and emails from readers asking about dead trails in the lawn that extend from their front porch to the neighbors’. You know what those are? It is where the mailman has walked on the frozen turf all winter and broken the crowns, resulting in dead areas.
We also see a lot of dead spots around driveways after winter. This is sometimes caused by salt used to melt the ice, but more often, it’s where homeowners have stepped on the edges of the lawn when getting in and out of the car.
The Life Application:
The same works for people like Jack. His crown got broken too. Mrs. Goose would lead us fill in the details ourselves: she vaguely states that after “Jack fell down, and broke his crown,” that Jill came “tumbling after.”
But we married men know the truth... Jill was nagging ole’ Jack all the way up that hill. I’m sure she blamed him for their lack of indoor plumbing, and also for the fact that the water well was so far from the house. She wasn’t there to help him “fetch” the water either .... oh no, she was actually chasing him with a rolling pin, cursing all the way.
That caused him to turn cold and dormant… “Yes dear, you’re right honey, I’m sorry,” is what he was saying, but she kept on with her bitchin’. Finally, Jack could stand it no more and completely shut her out of his mind...but then he remembered, “Today is Sunday!”
Once the pale was full, he turned quickly and made a dash for the house...partly to get away from Jill (who was still squawking wildly) and also because the Bears game was about to start!
..and in his attempts to get away from Jill, he fell and broke his crown. Jill’s nagging is what did it! She pounded him just a little too hard!
Oh, and for the record, Jill was only tumbling after in an effort to get the last word.
Watch your crowns boys, grass and otherwise!
Married men...can I get a witness?

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Planting bulbs now brings rewards later

Fall is the time to plant bulbs. A small investment of time now will pay off in huge dividends in the Spring, and far into the future. I have great respect for homeowners who take the time to plant fall bulbs, because it involves some careful forethought. It is also demonstrates patience in that the reward for the work comes months later, and not instantly. Surprisingly, most people will not take the time to plant bulbs because of the absence of "instant gratification." (stay with me folks, there's a "life" lesson in your future) But first, let's look at the planting criteria for bulbs.

It's really a very simple process. First off, the soil needs to be in the range of 55-60 degrees (that's now if you live in the Midwest). This is the optimum temperature to stimulate the newly planted bulbs to begin to "root," but not so cold as to freeze them prematurely.

I like to plant my bulbs using a paddle-bit for an electric drill. I find that the 1.5" bit makes the perfect sized hole for a standard tulip bulb, and makes a clean hole fast.

You should follow the planting directions that come with the bulbs you purchase, but the standard depth for tulips is usually 6". Place a piece of tape on the shaft of the bit at the 6" mark to gauge your depth with drilling. Once you drill the hole, be sure to place the bulb in right side up (see pictures) and use the shaft of an old hammer to gently push the bulb to the base of the hole. Next, cover with some top soil and mulch...finish by watering them thoroughly.

As I stated above, planting bulbs, in my opinion, is the mark of the mature and wise gardener. Tulips and other bulbs are interesting because they "naturalize" or spread over time. Most species of tulips naturalize-when unaffected by rodents- via underground stems called stolons, or daughter bulbs. The new naturalized plants are usually identical to the parent plant.

Planting 20 or 30 bulbs now will bring 20 or 30 beautiful early Spring flowers, but the next year, the numbers will double, and grow exponentially year-after-year.

The Life Lesson:

I have noticed something similar with my kids. There are small bits or "bulbs" of wisdom that I've buried into them that seem useless to them at the time, but as they have aged, those bits of wisdom naturalized and are now producing some positive outcomes.

A simple, but important one would be how to properly shake a man's hand. I taught my boys at the ages of 6 and 7 how to properly shake hands: firm grip, stiff arm, look the man in the eye, etc. When the boys were very young, it was kind of a joke to them when they'd practice what I taught them. However, now that they are teenagers, the skill has naturalized and is now second "nature" to them, and they shake hands like men. I can only wonder if as they become adults, the difference between them getting a good job or not will be in the way they shake the interviewer's hand. It will be interesting to see this one naturalize exponentially over time.

A great place to view and purchase a wide selection of quality bulbs is here:

Your wife and Your lawn ...

Did you know that wives and lawns are one-in-the-same? I do because I’ve got an ex-wife, and ex-lawn; and a wonderful current wife and wonderful current lawn!
Let’s talk about the “ex’s” first.
My ex lawn: when I got it, it was in horrible shape. It had never been cared for or fed or watered. It was riddled with weeds and flattened out.
Same with my ex wife! (no more needs to be said LOL)
I worked hard on my ex-lawn. I talked to it, cuddled it, watered it and nourished it until it was plump and prissy and the envy of the neighbors!
Same with my ex wife! (no more needs to be said LOL)
However, there came a time when I began to neglect my ex-lawn and it headed on the down-turn … fast! So I sold my ex-lawn and it has a new owner. My ex-lawn still looks terrible and got what it deserved. It’s old and weathered and in bad shape physically.
Same with my ex-wife … ‘nuff said! (It cost me a lot to get rid of her, lemme tell ya! LOL)

My current lawn: I love it. It is always beautiful and stands at attention when I walk by.
My current wife: I love her. She is always beautiful and gets down on her knees when I am around … she says, “Come out from under that bed and face me like a man you bum!” LOL
She takes no crap from me!

On the serious side, lawns are a lot like wives.
Generally speaking, your lawn will tell you when it needs your attention, but you have to pick up on the signs. If you have not fed and watered it properly, it will crunch and lay flat when you walk on it … it will take on a dull gray color that says, “If you don’t get me what I need quick, I’m gonna go dormant on you.”
Your (my) wife is the same way. She needs love and attention. She needs her feet rubbed at night before bed. She needs to know you care. If you, as the husband, don’t put in the time and effort required to make your marriage work, your wife will clam up and go “dormant” on you. You have to learn to pick up on the subtle hints too.
Just last week, my wife said, “I’m busy working, so the laundry is gonna get done on Tuesday instead of today, ok?”
I missed the sign that day. It was up to me to figure out that I should throw a couple loads in Sunday during the Bears game. I missed the hint and she went “dormant” on me for a couple days. It’s my fault, really…I know better! LOL
I know you’re thinking, “This sounds like some heavy, dripping, drivel, from a bad episode of the Dr. Phil Show,” …but it is true. Just ask a guy who has an ex-wife, ex-lawn and a current wife and current lawn!

ANXIETY: Grub Worm of the Soul

With several weeks of hot temps, followed by last week's heavy rains here in the Chicago area, the dreaded grub worm is preparing for it's annual late Summer feast. And, since you have been a regular reader of this blog, you certainly are a prime candidate because you've followed all of my advice to the letter, and your lawn is perfectly healthy and green; ripe for an all-you-can-eat frenzy.

If you are seeing brown spots in your well-irrigated lawn, chances are that grubs are the culprit. All you have to do is lift up the outer edges of the dead spots and look for the "little shrimp" feeding underneath. If you find them, go get some Sevin or other granular insecticide and spread it across the entire lawn and water it in.

Even if you are not yet seeing any brown patches, I'd still recommend you put down something as a preventative measure. In many cases, the grub damage does not manifest itself outwardly until later September. By this time, the damage has been done, and is more extensive, requiring severe corrective measures.

Worry and anxiety operate the same way on the human state of mind.

See if you are with me here: ... Sometimes I get this "worry twinge" in the pit of my stomach. It seems to originate from nowhere, but settles in a specific place deep down. This is not to be confused with the constant "sense of urgency" that comes with working a high stress job. This is above and beyond that; it bares a heavy, strengthening pitch.

This "worry twinge" may hang with me for several hours before I give it a notice during my hectic day. If I'm busy enough, I may consciously decide to "shove" it to the back of my mind; but inevitably, it boils over to the point where I must address it.

I sit down and comb through the events of the day until I get a "hit" on a subject. Maybe it's just me, but the "hit" comes when I am mentally scrolling through my list of responsibilities, and I come across one that stabs a little sharper. This indicates to me that I'm onto the one that has changed from general responsibility, to concern, to worry, to anxiety. It's the one that has manifested itself like the grub worms in the lawn.

How has this happened? Usually it is because I have neglected something, or ignored it, or have been scared to face it, and it has festered "underneath the lawn" of my psyche, until it is now pushing outward with a vengeance.

I have couple of choices: Either I can face the issue and get it under control (put some grub killer on it), or I can choose to ignore it and let it eat me alive (and destroy the entire lawn)

What I've learned is the best cure for anxiety and grub worms is proper prevention.

For grub worms, it's always best to treat the lawn prior to seeing any brown spots, and with the anxiety in your soul, the same applies ... it's just not so cut and dry.

Here are some ways that I have learned to keep down the anxiety.

1) drink lots of beer! Ha...just kidding Mom!

2) stay organized. You can apply this to every area of your life and I do not have enough space to teach organization here. Thank God my wife helps me on this one!

3) make yourself do the uncomfortable. The way to beat anxiety is to hit it head-on. This takes you out of your comfort zone, but gives a feeling of accomplishment when it's done.

4) realize that your problems/concerns are not insurmountable. Others have been through it and have survived; so can you.

5) have faith. I know that George Michael sang about it, but it is true. Have faith in your God, and in His ability to pull you through.

6) go help someone in need. There is nothing like "giving" to make you forget about your own pitiful state.

7) look back at your own wisdom. Think about past anxieties that you have overcome and how small they now seem to be...this too shall pass.

You can't keep a good Stella down

Now that Spring is long gone, chances are your landscape is lacking flower power. Bright purple, pink and yellow blooms have given way to a canvas over-wrought with green, green and only green. -- Especially if your landscape is "Daylilly heavy" like mine, you may be left wishing you'd planted something that offered more punch during the hotter months.


Not to fear my friends, your Stella's (Stella-de-oro daylillies) can keep pushing blooms all the way until first frost!
That's right, with a little trimming and cutting back, Stella will continue to push out flowers.

Here are what most daylillies look like right now (from a neighbor's yard):

These Stellas were in full glory just a few weeks ago, but now look anemic and sickly, with spent stalks drying up in the wind, and worst of all: NO MORE FLOWERS!

Here's a closeup of a spent stalk. Notice the seed pod left on top. Many folks think this is a flower ready to bud, but it is not. Flower buds on Stellas are long and "torpedo" shaped. The seed pods are stubby and wrinkly..., and in most cases, the seeds are sterile anyway.



















Not to worry! ...

...you can stimulate Stella to send up more blooms by cutting off her "spent" stalks.



Flowers are much like strong-willed people: you just can't keep them from "blooming."

It's the old, "You can't keep a good man (or Stella) down" thing.
We all know people who thrive under pressure. And of course, the cliche's are numerous:

"Diamonds come forth from extreme pressure" ...well, something like that.

"When the going gets tough, the tough get rough" as sung by 80's literary icon, Billy Ocean.

etc etc.

For a more credible reference, read John chapter 15 from the Bible.
The Heavenly Father can much better convey the similarity in pruning people and pruning plants, trees and shrubs; after all, He created both.

If you're not the religious type, then look at it through human wisdom.
How many times has someone told you, "You can't succeed at that, it will never work..."
(they cut you down)

..and you pushed and prodded, and worked (failing several times along the way) and in the end, you proved them wrong and you did, indeed succeed?
Chances are, that critic performed some "mental pruning" that caused you to push harder and with more gusto then you would have otherwise.


Hence our lovely Stellas blooming at a time when others are tired and spent!

You should cut the spent stalks off as low as you can get your pruners. Be sure to make a clean cut. It is also mandatory to cut them off immediately while they are still green. This "tells" the plant that is has lost something viable and it must replace it by sending up more...more flowers!

If you wait until the stalks dry up on their own, then they are worthless anyway and the plant sees no benefit in replacing what was already dead. Make sense? (that's a reference back to John 15 by the way)





At right, I can count at least 10 new blooms shooting up just 5 days after cutting off the spent, green stalks. What's more?...that's 10 blooms on a single stalk! Wow! Most stalks produce between 3 and 5 blooms, but the cutting has really "pissed Stella off" man!!!! Ha!

Now that's resilience!
Don't you just love 'ole Stella?!

And don't you, too, feel good when you accomplish something that forced you to fight through some pain and suffering to get there?

So, next time someone "cuts you off," or "sweeps your legs out from under you," remember Stella! ...and get pissed off and grow!

(yes, Mom, I had to throw in some mild cuss words to convey my point!)
ha!!!