Thursday, November 8, 2007

Don't Crack Your Crowns!

Mother Goose taught us that, “Jack and Jill went up a hill, to fetch a pale of water; Jack fell down, and broke his crown…” From this childhood nursery rhyme we see that jack has apparently broken his skull. (more on this later) Did you know your grass also has a crown that can be cracked and broken?
When grass plants freeze during winter dormancy, their crowns are vulnerable to breaking if stepped on. The crown of the grass plant is the area that pushes up the actual blades. It’s akin to your skull (Jack’s crown) where your hair grows from. When the crowns are frozen, they become brittle and less flexible, and are easily crushed. A crushed crown will not grow back.
The Lawn Application:
During winter, it is imperative that no one walks on your turf. Inevitably, when Spring hits, I get calls and emails from readers asking about dead trails in the lawn that extend from their front porch to the neighbors’. You know what those are? It is where the mailman has walked on the frozen turf all winter and broken the crowns, resulting in dead areas.
We also see a lot of dead spots around driveways after winter. This is sometimes caused by salt used to melt the ice, but more often, it’s where homeowners have stepped on the edges of the lawn when getting in and out of the car.
The Life Application:
The same works for people like Jack. His crown got broken too. Mrs. Goose would lead us fill in the details ourselves: she vaguely states that after “Jack fell down, and broke his crown,” that Jill came “tumbling after.”
But we married men know the truth... Jill was nagging ole’ Jack all the way up that hill. I’m sure she blamed him for their lack of indoor plumbing, and also for the fact that the water well was so far from the house. She wasn’t there to help him “fetch” the water either .... oh no, she was actually chasing him with a rolling pin, cursing all the way.
That caused him to turn cold and dormant… “Yes dear, you’re right honey, I’m sorry,” is what he was saying, but she kept on with her bitchin’. Finally, Jack could stand it no more and completely shut her out of his mind...but then he remembered, “Today is Sunday!”
Once the pale was full, he turned quickly and made a dash for the house...partly to get away from Jill (who was still squawking wildly) and also because the Bears game was about to start!
..and in his attempts to get away from Jill, he fell and broke his crown. Jill’s nagging is what did it! She pounded him just a little too hard!
Oh, and for the record, Jill was only tumbling after in an effort to get the last word.
Watch your crowns boys, grass and otherwise!
Married men...can I get a witness?

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